God I need you

So I havent been doing very well on keeping updated on here. I always want to start one of these blogs but then its hard for me to stick with it. I think thats a trait of mine that Im not so fond of. I am eager about starting things but its pushing through the middle, sticking with it, and getting to the end, completing that goal that often hangs me up. I have even felt this with MPD. There have been times when I just feel like giving up. Where I just dont feel like I have the motivation to make it to the end goal. Where Ive got so far to go and it seems easier to just quit now than persevering to the end. Like I said, this isnt a trait that I admire and I have seen me struggle with this in many different areas of my life: academically. socially. spiritually. And honestly, a lot of times I do give up and try to take the easy way out. And maybe why I give up is because I try to handle it all on my own.... and I just cant. Im not meant to. It wears me out physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have seen that in my life especially in the past few weeks. I was blaming it on working 40 hrs/week (which I do think was part of it) but it was pointed out that maybe I was so exhausted because Im trying take control of this on my own. and I agree. I often get so caught up in the things that I "have to do" and quit trusting God and depending on him to completely provide for me. I have always been a "do-er." While I know that nothing I do will affect my salvation or make me a better Christian (Ephesians 2:8-9), part of me is still in that mindset where I think I should be doing this or doing that. And that comes more out of guilt or duty because thats what "Im supposed to do."
Lord Jesus, free me from this thinking. You do not want me doing these things out of guilt or because "I have to." Your word is true and you have given me the gift of salvation through faith, not anything I do. You ate with the sinners and loved them just the same. I confess that I am a sinner and often try to live my life under my control. Take my life into your hands and your complete control as I loosen up my grip. Especially in regards to MPD... you have already chosen those you want to join my support team. Lead me to those people whose hearts you have been preparing. I have a long way to go in support raising and you are the only one who can finish this task. Everything in this earth is yours and you have entrusted it to your people. I praise and thank you for your provision this far and am putting my full trust in you and your timing. In all things you work for the good of those who love you, who have been called according to your purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Ok...so this really isnt the direction I intended to go when I started writing, but there it is. It pretty much sums up what Ive been feeling lately.

Please pray:

• for perseverance through these middle months of MPD
• that each day I choose to give up control of my life to God
• for next weekend, Sept. 8 & 9 as I am speaking at my church and asking for support
  
• for this next week as I figure out a schedule and that I would be spending my time wisely in a way that glorifies God

Thanks friends. :)

::EDIT:: so go figure my pastor speaks about this the next day... we are saved by grace through faith, not by works and we should spend less time and energy trying to "be the best." God just seems to pound me over the head with these lessons until I truly get them and live them out. :)